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Thursday, March 31, 2011

To live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory."

Guess who was having a bad day after the last couple of weeks being all happay happay and joyous? So as I sat and watched the match alone last afternoon sorrow my old friend came visiting me again and all the good work of the last couple of weeks seemed to have been washed off. All my promises to keep myself happy each day, working towards that dream and living in the moment vanished and all that was left were these stupid silly tears and I didn't even know what exactly was bothering me or maybe I did. Nothing made me happy. Not even India beating Pakistan by 29 runs in a not so spectacular fashion when on ordinary day I would have been elated and brimming with joy.

I woke up despondent too though I confess I tricked myself into thinking all was good. I come to office and open my inbox only to receive a nasty e-mail from a senior from the head office whom I had been dealing with for a legal notice and I had been so understanding and cordial and how does he repay me? Well he turns around and puts the entire blame on my shoulders. I was taken aback more than anything. People trying to put each other down doesn't even appall me anymore. It is understandable. I am not even being pessimistic about this. Sometimes this is just the way it is. We live in a dog eats dog world I thought and went about my work with a mission.

Rav and I went for coffee and I was trying to act all is fine until he broached yesterday's topic and I erupted. I knew all along what was bothering me. I just needed someone to acknowledge it. When I see someone who is some 4 years younger to me at work hear me out so patiently when we ain't even good old friends from college but known each other for half a year maybe or not even that, I realise all is not always wrong with the world. Even on bad days someone does come around and make you smile or surprise you with their enthusiasm to get your work done like another colleague who got the information I needed in a couple of hours and left me dumbfounded. I was getting myself ready to hound him for the next couple of days and getting the info or our Counsel whose neck I have been breathing down turns around and sends me a message to "Relax and I'll take care of it." I know that all is not always fine with the world but I also know all isn't always bad with this world.

I sent a text to Rav saying "Thankuuu for listening to my gibberish. Someday when we are in different and happier places you and I are gonna be laughing at all this silliness." He says "So true. :-)"

So here goes this Howard Zinn quote I stole from Fino's blog which left me with a "things will fall into place" feeling even on a bad bad day.

"To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places--and there are so many--where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory."
--Howard Zinn

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